I have had some of the world’s best coffee. It still annoys me.

I have had some of the world’s best coffee. It still annoys me.

I realize you are all coffee lovers.

I understand that you think it tastes great and that you consider the day to start with your first cup.

A cup of hugginess.

It is time for coffee.

If you are anything like me a coffee addict.

you probably even have a favorite hectare of rainforest where you get your beans.

I also understand that.

I wish my feelings were the same.

The truth is.

I enjoy a lot of things related to coffee.

I love how coffee smells.

Some coffee shops have a feel that I enjoy.

I enjoy those devices with the chrome pipes and the pressure dials that release their enticing dark liquids with a hiss and sputter.

I enjoy the enthusiasm of the tattooed baristas who pound out the used coffee grounds from the last cup with such vigor.

Then tenderly carve your face into the foam of your cappuccino.

The French presses glass jugs filters tamps.

And those delectable little Lotus cookies that frequently accompany the food are among the accoutrements that I find appealing.

Really, I adore it all.

I adore everything about it until I take a taste

at which time I am once again confirmed in what I have always believed.

Coffee is the worst thing ever.

I made an effort to relish coffee.

Over the years I have been seated by evangelical coffee snobs of all shades who have told me to

Drink this and forget all the horrible crap you have tasted before.

I have slurped deeply and long, expanded my thoughts.

And banished my preconceptions.

and then probably doused the entire table with it.

Awful crap.

I have more coffee cred than the average Joe.

So please do not call me a Philistine before you do.

Will a pun about coffee get me points

In the mid-2000s I lived in the Indonesian island of Java, home of Java coffee, for a few years.

The sunshine was heavy and foggy.

And the red dirt smelled strongly of dampness.

Here was an opportunity to experience coffee as nature intended unadulterated by industrialization right at its source.

Blergh!

Additionally, a unique and pricey coffee from Indonesia is produced using beans that have gone through a civet cat’s digestive system.

While I did not try it perhaps I ought to have.

There is no way that coffee could get any worse than being ingested and eliminated by a forest creature that lives at night.

When I was in Bogotá a few years ago.

I was escorted to what I was informed was one of the best coffee shops in the city.

I was informed once more.

This time in the sophisticated city of one of the major South American coffee-producing nations

Abysmal.

Sincerely I apologize.

It is also customary in Bogotá’s cafés to have hot chocolate with a piece of cheese that can be dipped into the mug.

Naturally, out of courtesy.

I continued with my cup of Colombian.

It is not likely my taste buds.

My palate is adventurous.

And I enjoy practically everything else in food and drink.

It is everything good sweet savory sour and spicy.

Given my British heritage it is only natural for me to prefer drinking tea.

But the British also adore coffee.

Long before tea became popular coffee cafes were a major deal in 17th-century London.

This is problematic since.

In recent years.

British caffeine habits have unfortunately become coffee-fied.

Corporate coffee shops have replaced the traditional cafés where you used to pay pennies for a pot of tea.

Tea is still sold by Starbucks and other establishments.

But at coffee pricing.

Of course, things are worse in the US.

Although tea is listed on the menu.

The awful watery drinks I have been given are unreal.

It makes sense why everyone has switched to drinking coffee if that is what passes for tea.

But I am aware that I not you am the one with the issue, coffee.

I am still envious of the way you get along with others.

Why will not it function for us